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Brielle and Blackie

I still miss him tons. His ashes are in an unopened box from the veterinarian. I still can’t bring myself to look at it. It still breaks my heart. I think one of these days I will get an urn and open the box but for now….nope. Can’t do it.

I still struggle with the decision I made to put him to sleep. Everyone I know thinks it was “the right thing to do” but I don’t know. He was crippled from the waist down but healthy from the waist up. He was just as loving and wonderful as he always was. I had a baby on the way and once he started having “accidents” on the same carpet she would be crawling on, I made my decision.

By accidents, I should mention that I had been successfully using elimination communication (EC) with Blackie for months. He would literally hold it until I held him over the toilet to go. He couldn’t physically get into the litter box since his back legs didn’t work but he immediately adjusted to the EC routine after he lost the use of his legs. My parents and other pet sitters were shocked that he would go in the toilet (purring the whole time) with someone holding him up. It was after he went on a “potty strike”, to use an EC term, that he started having accidents on the carpet.

I will always wonder if I could have used a cart, explored surgery, used pet diapers or anything else that could have kept Blackie with us longer. He was such a great cat, great friend and family member. I found out later that there is a no-kill shelter nearby that accepts crippled dogs and cats. I had looked into area shelters in the past without any luck and I cannot imagine why the vet wouldn’t know about this particular shelter, but the fact remains that I discovered it way too late.

We have Blackers now and while no pet can replace the one we lost, Blacker is a delightful cat and he is great with both girls and we are having a super time with him. I still miss Blackie though. Maybe next year I can open the box.