A MUCH BETTER BLOG

One of my big regrets from my first pregnancy is not getting any photos so here they are from this time around. The best part is that both of my girls got to participate.

Tea with Sugar (credit to Uncle Nick for that little joke)

Brielle in the helicopter

Brielle and her braids

9 months pregnant. This was shot for LinkedIn and breast cancer awareness

7 months pregnant

In speaking with my brother the other day, he mentioned how tough he thinks baby #2 will be for me. I laughed out loud because I know Bianca will be a much, much easier transition this time around and I will be able to relax and enjoy having a baby even more than when Brielle was born.

Why it will be better this time around
With Brielle I had no clue what to expect from a baby and did not even know how to change a diaper. Seriously, I had to ask a passing nurse in the hospital for help. I was clueless. Obviously that isn’t an issue this time around. Not only that but this time around I am not being bombarded with mainstream “parenting advice” that while well meaning, is certainly not efficient, effective or easy parenting. Attachment parenting is.

I will not have bottles to clean or extra groceries to buy because I know in advance that I will breastfeed exclusively. I will not get up in the middle of the night because she will be right next to me. I will be better rested and happier than if I had to get up multiple times in the night. I wont have diaper changes because I am doing EC and I wont have the whole stroller/plastic nightmare because I plan on babywearing constantly from day one. Family showers even mean that I wont have the extra step of a nightly baby bath (while fun for many new parents, it is simply an extra step for me).

I am also a very low maintenance person. I don’t strive for perfection. My home doesn’t have to look perfect. Clean, yes…..perfect, no. I try to have loosely based systems for staying on top of routine jobs like dishes or laundry but for the most part, I do it when I can. I also don’t hinge my very existence and self esteem on my appearance or that of my children. It is really a hallmark of attachment parenting to know that a perfect home or perfect appearance can come later. Once the little ones are grown, they are grown and there is no getting that back. It is all about prioritizing and I think that low key attitude makes parenting (and single mothering) immeasurably easier and this is a concept I had not really grasped the first time around.

In addition, with Brielle I had virtually no support. I did not have even a 5 minute break for the first year and half she was alive because unless I visited my parents, nobody ever babysat for me. In their defense I never directly asked or begged and maybe I should have. I think only single moms or stay at home moms can truly understand what that means. 24-7 for a year and a half. Thats right. It was grueling and crazy making. While I may never have an answer to “why”, it certainly wont be a problem this time around with the best grandparents on earth ready to help out.

Brielle is also exceptionally helpful and self reliant for a 3 yr old. She takes initiative more than most 9 yr olds I know. If she sees a mess she will go get the vacuum, broom or mop and clean it up without me saying a word. If I ask her to grab me something she will be happy to get it 99% of the time unless she is really overtired or crabby. She puts her own laundry away and even tries to do dishes (although I need to re-do those). While I don’t consider her a part-time maid, I do expect her to help out with age appropriate tasks and she does an incredible job so far. If I am on the couch breastfeeding Bianca and I need an item across the room, Brielle is here to help me out. When Brielle was a baby I had to get up and get it myself.

I had also just left my abusive husband, escaped with my life and then left all my friends to move up north when he located me again in Miami. Leaving all my friends left me terribly isolated and alone. I had my brother Dennis who lived down the street (thank goodness) or I don’t know what I would have done. Needless to say, I am not suffering from the same emotional crap this time around and there is an excellent chance that I will not have to recover from a traumatic, violent birth. There is simply no question that I am in a vastly different emotional starting point from which to enjoy my little bundle of joy.

Why it will be more difficult this time around
With Brielle I was not working when she was a newborn and I could focus 100% of my attention on her. Now, I am trying to build my business and clearly that will be more difficult with one child than two. On the glass is half full side, it will also give me twice the incentive to be successful.

I am not a huge fan of noise and Brielle still has occasional screaming fits….I am not sure how that is going to play out if they get each other going?!? I am going to have to invest in some earplugs and meditation CDs.

Definitely not a fan of laundry. UGHHHHH. I find it to be a thankless, repetitive, relentless, menial task. I loathe it. I can get by with doing a few loads once every week or two with just me and Brielle. With my cloth diapering/EC plans I think it is going to be bumped up to multiple times a week. NOT looking forward to that particular chore.

I still do not know how cosleeping is going to work out. Brielle sleeps in the middle of the bed right now and I sleep to one side of her or the other. I think she is afraid of falling out the other side or else she simply wants to snuggle with me. In either case there is not room for a breastfeeding baby right now. I don’t know if I will have to get Brielle her own bedrail and shove her over to her own side or get her another bed and push the two together. I guess time will tell how that is going to play itself out. Brielle’s suggestion is to put Bianca in a crib.

Babyproofing…..NOOOOOOO!!!! (insert whiny voice) Come ON!!! I JUST got back to a normal house! You have GOT to be kidding me………………>sigh<

Outings will be tough. We are just getting to the point where it is relatively quick and painless to go from the front door to the car. Brielle still likes to squat down and look at every leaf, bug and rock in her path but she is much speedier than she was a year ago and will follow the “keep it moving” requests fairly well. Now….even with the sling it will just be twice as much inserting, buckling, finger watching………I don’t know if I dread the car trips or the laundry more.

The biggest thing I am not looking forward to though is (without question) my quality time with Brielle. I have been sad about that since I first found out I was pregnant. We are very,very close. We get so much wonderful time together to talk, snuggle, giggle etc. I am planning on making a very conscious effort to include her in the Bianca stuff and also to take a bit of one on one time with her every day when Bianca sleeps. There is only so much time in a day though and we will never again have time together like we do now. I am sure it will be better in the long run with two (twice the love, twice the fun) ….but I already miss just the two of us.

I will be happy to take suggestions from others on how they integrated the second baby into their lives with minimal disturbance to the first.

Now that I am working on the “better late than never” posts, I figured I would finally get around to scanning her ultrasound images. The early ultrasound (to verify pregnancy) images are sort of hard to make out but the 18 weeks are pretty clear.

I am of course a big fan of unassisted pregnancy but I wanted to know the gender for clothing purposes and I also felt it prudent to rule out potential placental problems that would have precluded a homebirth (particularly an unassisted one).

This isn’t really a picture of Bianca obviously but we keep it on the fridge anyway

As of yesterday I am officially 35 weeks pregnant. I simply do not know where the time has gone. Bianca could be here in one day or in 8 weeks. I diligently take my pregnancy and red raspberry leaf tea so I have been experiencing fairly regular braxton hicks contractions for months. I also have a sneaking suspicion I will deliver early. Intuition doesn’t mean a thing though. I will probably deliver at 43 weeks on the nose.

One of the reasons the pregnancy has flown by is that I have been working like a dog on my website and getting my store up and running. I want to have a nice babymoon with Bianca so my plan was to have the system running somewhat independently by the time she arrived.

I am happy to report that the store (http://amuchbetterstore.com) is now live and I am receiving great feedback from anyone who has taken the time to look around the store. I carry high end baby bath and skin care items, specialty nursing jewelry and other items for childbirth and early parenting. Most of the products are natural or organic in nature and who doesn’t want that?? The store is targeted toward women with kids or planning kids but I plan to add healthcare items for men, seniors and pets so don’t fret if its not currently up your alley (just check back once in awhile).

So far it has been a great pregnancy. I am thankfully very healthy with no pregnancy symptoms to speak of. I never had morning sickness, swelling or many of the other common complaints. So far (knock on wood) I haven’t gotten any stretch marks. My tummy has stayed fairly small like the first pregnancy so I don’t anticipate any stretch marks either. I also attribute it to small workouts throughout the day but I could just be super lucky. I am also using some cream that a potential supplier sent me as a sample. It contains melaleuca oil and whether or not it prevents stretch marks I can’t say but I will say that it takes any itching away almost instantly. Look for a review of that after Bianca is born.

So other than a little heartburn here and there I can’t complain. I had a pretty major gallbladder issue but I attribute that to adding dairy to my diet (will I ever learn???). I swear the stuff is poison. I cut out cheese and yogurt and I feel like a million bucks again.

My hair is shooting out of my head and I have almost outgrown all the hideous, butcher haircuts I have received over the last couple of years. I finally learned my lesson and stopped trusting the locals. I NEED MY MIAMI STYLISTS!!! Hair and nails that just wont quit is a huge perk of pregnancy. I love it.

I haven’t been to the OB in a few months and at this point I don’t have any intention of going back. I have already ruled out anything that can go wrong that can be predicted so now I am getting close enough that she will start to feel the need to start recommending unnecessary procedures etc. I don’t need that. She has my file so we should be good to go in the event something goes wrong and I actually need her.

Some newborn photos of little Maximus who looks hauntingly like Dennis.

Ear Muffs in Summer?

Ear Muffs in Summer 2 – Who knows what she was thinking


McDonalds Playland

Helping grandpa raise the flag (could she be any happier??)

Brielle loves her cousins

Getting ponied up for the pool. In a rare pregnancy photo of me, you unfortunately can’t see my belly because I was already showing at that point….(5 months along I think).

Glee

The lure of the sugar….my arch nemesis

Sorry that these posts are out of date. My new camera has been on the fritz battery wise and is usually out of juice. My other two digital cameras also don’t work very well. That means I am lifting the photos off of dad’s gallery. Time consuming and tedious to say the least. It sort of defeats the purpose of having a blog if I don’t record my daughter’s life though so better late than never, right?

Pool at Grandma & Grandpa’s House. This was Brielle’s all time favorite place to be for the majority of the summer.

Brielle is a notorious light sleeper who needs perfect conditions to sleep. I guess running around Sandy Pines and then a book on grandma’s lap qualifies as perfect conditions.

Tearing it up at the new waterpark

Grandpa and Brielle braving the waterslide. Brielle seemed to enjoy it except for the water in her eyes. That was the last slide of the summer and hopefully next year she faces her fear head on.

On the beach at Sandy Pines

Playing in the sand with Uncle Dennis

Me & Dennis

Brielle in the canoe

Baby kitty borrowing Sugar’s Halloween costume.